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4 Ways to Cope When Your Mate is on a Date!


4 Ways to Cope When Your Mate is on a Date!

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Being new to open relationships is an exciting time! Rewards will come, but only after working through the natural challenges that arise with flexible relationship non-monogamous relationship structures.

One of, if not THE hardest challenge for newly open people, is dealing with your mate going out on their first date with their other romantic interest(s) (aka: your metamour(s)).

Believe it or not, it’s easy for seasoned Open couples to take this challenge for granted. Like with most things, practice and positive exposure makes things easier. However, for the newly initiated, spending that first night alone is quite a challenge. 

Many of our clients report very NATURAL feelings of anxiety, exclusion and isolation that can manifest and compound negatively as their mate’s first date approaches.  It’s very important that you address this head on and protect your emotional needs.

If this sounds familiar, this article is for you.  Here are suggestions we make to minimize discomfort and put yourself, and your partner in the position to succeed:

  • Plan an Excursion - Prior to your mate’s date, plan a follow-up date to go on some sort of excursion with your partner.  This is a great opportunity to plan a “special” date to go someplace awesome that you’ve been putting off for a while.  The best excursion you can plan would be one where you and your mate can do something that allows the both of you to completely be yourselves and enjoy each other’s time organically.   Your mate’s temporary absence and any negative feelings you have will be soothed by your upcoming date, giving you something that both of you can look forward to.
  • Treat Yourself - Has it been a while since you’ve had some quality time with good friends / family?  Looking for some down time to organize your pics on your phone, pick up the guitar, or start/finish that project that you’ve been planning for months?  What about that book you’ve been dying to submerge in? How about visiting the gym again? Or organizing a poker night? Maybe you want to attend a seminar or class to learn a new skill.   The point is, you’re mate’s date night is a PERFECT opportunity to take some YOU time and plan some activities that you love, but your partner may not be crazy about.
  • Focus on Return on Investment (ROI) – If done properly, you and your mate have already worked through the pros, cons, and expectations of opening your relationship.  You may even have written then down in a relationship contract.  Do mental exercises that focus on the Return on Investment for overcoming your negative emotions  (Ex: If I overcome my negative feelings I have now, my partner and I will benefit from a stronger relationship with everyone involved).
  • Reconnect! – When your mate returns from their date, make it a point to re-connect with them ASAP, without focusing discussions on their date.  It’s natural to be inquisitive about your mate’s time away, but remember that your partner has a lot to process themselves.  Shift your attention to lots of hugs, cuddles and positive re-enforcement.  Details of your partner’s date will likely come voluntarily once your partner feels accepted and secure in your arms and they’ve had a moment to re-acclimate / re-integrate back into their familiar environment.  Best of all, your mate will remember all of the love, happiness and support you’ve given them on their dates and will be even more motivated to return the favor.
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About the Author


PolyRick has contributed 8 sexy blogs.

Rick Broider is a popular Open Life Coach specializing in personal growth and healthy sexuality. Rick has many years of experience working with ethically non-monogamous lifestyles (polyamorous, swinger, etc.), and unconventional relationship structures as well as with individuals and couples representing many sexualities. He also has a long history supporting anyone who is in or exploring Open/Kinky/BDSM relationships and is an incredible resource for couples looking to strengthen their primary bond while opening their relationship to new possibilities.

In addition to his success as an O.P.E.N. Relationship Workshop Leader and Educator, you can find Rick presenting at events from Maryland (D.O. Fusion) to Jamaica (KS Week 2016 / 2017). Rick is the former host of the Tampa Bay Area Munch, a monthly event that has provided resources and support for those who are kink-curious in the Tampa Area for over 15 years.

Rick is dedicated to perpetuating healthy and positive messages about sexuality, and offers advice to his clients and the public about issues such as monogamy, open relationships, long term relationship health, and self-compassion. He writes about these and many other sexual/relationship topics on several online blog sites.

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